Love and Death: Yoga & Dania

Kania gazed mournfully at her twin sister Dania’s grave. She still couldn’t believe that her sister had passed away after the accident on December 2nd. Amidst her devastation, something continued to bother her.

Several days had passed since Dania’s death, yet not once Dania’s boyfriend, Yoga, came to pay his respects. Yoga also never replied to Kania’s WhatsApp messages, even on the day of Dania’s burial.

Kania was aware of the depth of Dania’s love for Yoga. From their middle school days until they started dating in high school, Kania knew exactly how caring Dania was towards Yoga. Unfortunately, Yoga seemed too indifferent towards her sister, often lost in his own world.

She knew her sister’s love was unrequited, but she didn’t dare to voice her suspicions to Dania. She feared her sister would be heartbroken and sink into sadness if she was warned about her first love’s attitude.

It was actually Dania who had confessed her feelings to Yoga first. According to Kania, Yoga seemed to have casually accepted Dania’s love. Kania always suspected that Yoga never truly took her sister seriously.

Now, everything seemed to fall into place. Even after Dania’s death, Yoga hadn’t come to pay his respects or show any grief.

Kania’s emotions overflowed through the tears streaming down her face. She remembered her sister pouring her heart out about Yoga to Kania. Her sister kept wondering whether Yoga was just playing with her or not.

Kania often advised her sister to confront Yoga directly. However, Dania never dared to do so. She cared too much about Yoga to ever dare to make him feel uncomfortable with what might seem like trivial questions to her beloved.

Her sensitive sister feared that Yoga’s response would shatter her heart. Sadly, until the end of her life, her sister never knew what her lover’s true feelings were. Feeling a mix of sadness and anger towards the apathetic Yoga, Kania resolved to ask Yoga directly for the sake of her late sister.

A week after Dania’s death, Kania finally returned to school. She was saddened to find her suspicions confirmed when she met the person she was looking for. At school, Yoga seemed to be happily joking with his friends, as if nothing significant had happened to him.

Even at the end of the school day, Yoga even remained relaxed, playing soccer with his friends and laughing as usual. Naturally, Kania felt increasingly frustrated seeing how Yoga didn’t seem to remember her sister at all.

What a despicable man! Kania cursed Yoga in her heart. How could Yoga not seem to care about the fact that Dania had passed away?! How could he continue his activities as if nothing had happened, showing no shame at all with his indifferent attitude?

Doesn’t Yoga’s friends know that Dania just died? Aren’t they curious why Yoga seems so carefree? Don’t they find it strange that Yoga didn’t attend Dania’s funeral, even though almost all of Yoga’s classmates were there? Don’t they also feel that Yoga’s behavior is inhumane?

Feeling angry, Kania decided to abandon her intention to talk to Yoga. Actually, several times since then, Kania had encountered Yoga at school and had the opportunity to ask. However, because Yoga never seemed willing to talk or greet her, Kania felt conflicted.

Yoga never apologized for his behavior, only superficially asking Kania about Dania, and he even refused to look at Kania’s face. Kania’s presence seemed repulsive to Yoga, so whenever they accidentally bumped into each other, Yoga pretended not to see her and immediately tried to avoid her.

I should be the one hating you for hurting Dania, not you hating me!

That’s the sentence Kania kept wanting to shout in Yoga’s face directly. Unfortunately, she never really had the chance to do so.

Kania started feeling extremely isolated at school. She felt that her sister’s departure was normal for Yoga — and perhaps for everyone else there. Everyone continued with their lives quickly, making Kania feel that her good sister was not valued enough by others. Yet, for Kania, losing her twin sister felt so painful.

She cried all the time, felt lonely all the time, and even lost her spirit for everything. Worst of all, Yoga, who was so loved by her sister during her lifetime, became the first person to easily forget Dania, as if Dania meant nothing to him in his life.

Kania’s sadness overflowed as she remembered that tomorrow was her birthday, a day she used to celebrate with her twin sister. It had always been a cherished occasion for both of them. Surely, anyone who cherished their sibling would also remember and consider them important.

Despite her feelings of disgust towards Yoga, Kania finally resolved to confront him directly about the one thing her late brother never knew until his passing: Yoga’s true feelings for Dania.

Armed with determination, Kania deliberately waited for Yoga after school hours, seeking the quiet atmosphere. She stationed herself at the gate outside their school, patiently waiting until the figure she despised finally appeared.

Upon spotting him, Kania immediately intercepted Yoga’s path, met with a surprised expression from him. Though initially incredulous, his gaze soon turned cold.

Nonchalantly, he attempted to bypass Kania, disregarding her presence. Tears welled in Kania’s eyes as she watched Yoga walk away once more, unable to comprehend his indifference.

She couldn’t fathom why Yoga could be so callous. How could he remain unaffected, despite her late sister’s unwavering support? Dania had always stood by him, offering encouragement and often preparing meals for her beloved.

She wanted to scream and curse Yoga loudly. But what happened next was that she chased after the man, grabbed his uniform from behind, and then slapped Yoga’s face.

She couldn’t utter a single word due to her tears already streaming down her face. After venting her anger, she quickly fled from Yoga, who could only stare blankly as she left abruptly after slapping him hard in the face.

The girl continued to run, paying no heed to the many people who saw her crying in the street. She kept at it until, unaware, she found herself stepping into her own home. Once there, Kania, filled with anger, slammed her bedroom door shut and locked herself in after that.

Kania’s mother, seeing her, clearly just left Kania alone for a few moments. It wasn’t until the evening that Kania’s mother suddenly knocked on her daughter’s door. Upon entering, Kania’s mother immediately stroked her daughter’s head in silence. Her face showed exhaustion and the same deep sadness as Kania’s.

Without saying a word, she then placed something on Kania’s bedroom table and silently left again. Kania knew that her mother, too, was struggling to hold back her tears upon seeing her daughter’s sorrow. As a family, they had agreed not to celebrate Kania’s birthday that year because of Dania’s death.

In doing so, her mother, too, felt sad for Kania, who had to sacrifice her special day. Moreover, their family was still in mourning and couldn’t truly forget the warm presence of Dania around them.

Kania remained in her room until almost midnight. She couldn’t bring herself to eat anything, even though her mother had been bringing her food since earlier. After crying herself out and lying down exhausted, she finally lifted herself up and walked wearily to her bedroom table to see what her mother had left there earlier in the evening.

To her surprise, Kania found Dania’s phone on her table. She had always forgotten about the item that was always with her sister and never thought to look for it. Seeing the phone, which was turned off, she decided to charge its battery and then turned it on.

As the network stabilized, Kania was shocked to hear the numerous message notifications that flooded Dania’s phone. Slowly, she began to open all of Dania’s WhatsApp messages and was taken aback to see countless messages from Yoga since two weeks ago, after her sister’s death. She read them one by one, holding her breath… and suddenly, tears started to flow again.

Kania’s heart raced as she read all the relentless messages from Yoga. When she read the latest message from him that night, her feet began to move toward the outside of her house. She ran to a nearby park—where Yoga used to meet Dania—and then looked in that direction with widened eyes. There was Yoga—sitting alone on a park bench.

The man sat with his back to Kania, unaware of her presence, while before him lay a beautiful birthday cake with candles flickering in the wind. Yoga simply stared at it, silent. He seemed frozen there in the cold weather.

Kania covered her mouth, restraining herself from making a sound so as not to embarrass Yoga with her presence. She couldn’t believe that Yoga… could act so irrationally.

She still couldn’t believe that… almost every moment, Yoga had sent messages to her sister, even though her sister was gone. Kania struggled to comprehend how the same Yoga, who had appeared indifferent to her sister, was now sitting there in silence, as if waiting for Dania to arrive as she had every day before.

Somehow, when exactly midnight struck, Yoga began to make a sound. His voice sounded broken, as if he were counting down from three, before he blew out the candles before him. After doing so, Yoga’s hand immediately fell limply onto his chair, and his shoulders suddenly shook violently.

Just a few seconds later, the man suddenly burst into tears, tears he seemed to have been holding back with all his might until then. He unleashed the tightness he had concealed alone.

Yoga continued to cry there for hours until he finally fell asleep on the cold park bench. Seeing Yoga curled up there, Kania approached the sleeping Yoga with tears still on her face, then placed a scarf around his neck onto Yoga’s body, which looked so cold and lonely.

The man’s face looked pale, and his eyelids appeared swollen. Even in his sleep, Kania still heard the remnants of Yoga’s suppressed sobs.

Is it possible that all this time he’s simply unable to accept Dania’s death properly? Could it be that he’s refusing to change his lifestyle because he continues to believe that Dania is still alive? Is it possible that he’s avoiding me because… he’s sad to see Dania’s reflection in my face?

Feeling guilty for harboring negative thoughts about Yoga, Kania decided to stay with the sleeping Yoga until dawn. She only left Yoga when the morning sun began to greet the sleeping man’s face, then walked back to her house feeling relieved and moved.

Now, she understood the depth of Yoga’s love for her sister. She understood that Yoga was not adept at expressing his sorrow. Kania now felt overwhelmed with pity, after realizing that perhaps the hardest part of accepting her sister’s departure was for the man she had thought all along cared the least for her sister.

Outside her house, Kania paused to retrieve Dania’s phone from her jacket pocket—and decided to read Yoga’s last message from the thousands of messages he sent to her late sister every day. After reading it, Kania wiped away the tears rolling down her smiling face amidst the gloom.

[Happy birthday, YOU, my first love and the woman I am most proud of for my entire life. I will only remember you buried in the star-filled sky, so I can always look up to talk to you every night. Until we meet again someday.]