A Pilot Chapter

Ever wonder about the life of someone who’s been bullied, like me?

I’m Kiran Kania. My grandma is not like your regular grandma, she’s a big deal in Banten, a legit shaman. People from all over Indonesia, even celebs and politicians, line up at her door for help. It’s wild how everyone knows her.

But here’s the thing – she’s not just famous; she’s also pretty scary. Everyone knows she’s into some serious black magic stuff. Even my mom bolted from her house back in high school because she couldn’t handle all the creepy vibes. She ended up living with another relative, got married, became a high school teacher, and then had me.

I remember one time when I was taken to visit Grandma at Mount Pulosari. Just like Mom, I could feel the tension the moment we stepped into her place. It was just her and her servant, living alone up there. We’re all pretty ‘sensitive’ in our family. Maybe it’s because we’re Grandma’s descendants; we pick up on different vibes real quick.

What made my fate seem cursed with bad luck was that my grandma liked me. She was kinder to me than my own mom. I was even asked to stay there for a while during my school holidays. Although I was always scared around my grandma, but what the heck, I was also born materialistic.

You see… my grandma was very rich. Not only was she loaded, but she was also extremely generous. Every time I went there, she would spoil me with new toys or expensive snacks that I could rarely get from my mom.

But, you know how it goes, instant gratification often leads to trouble. After that extended stay, weird stuff started happening around me. People began seeing things and getting spooked.

It all kicked off with a classmate falling into a trance in fifth grade, missing two weeks of school. When she snapped out of it, she claimed some dark figure had been lurking around me, saying it had possessed her.

Of course, after that, things changed completely for me. Everyone started to stay away from me, even to the point of antagonizing me. Perhaps because they were so afraid of me, they became rude to me.

From then on, I was often encouraged to stay away from them. It started out that way… until later, it turned into a catastrophe for me. I started getting bullied, which made me traumatized to go to my grandma’s house!

In middle school, the bullying against me ramped up. Classmates teased me relentlessly, even resorting to locking me in the bathroom—a constant source of my frustration. But amidst the chaos, a glimmer of hope emerged when I befriended a new neighbor, Selia Andrea, who happened to be my age.

Selia came from a well-off family. Her dad worked for a major company in Jakarta. Their house stood out as the largest in our neighborhood.

Selia remained a constant source of comfort throughout middle school, always there to reassure me during the toughest times. Despite her striking beauty, she never flaunted it or looked down on me. However, everything shifted once we entered high school together.

High school marked a new level of torment for me. The bullying escalated into relentless physical abuse, making it the toughest period of my life. I endured daily assaults—slaps, grabs, even being doused in dog urine. Humiliation became routine, and I often found myself bleeding at the hands of my bullies.

Whenever Selia caught wind of my bullies, she’d step in to defend me. Unfortunately, we weren’t always in the same class, and her commitments to the student council kept her busy with her own circle of friends, leaving her unable to monitor my situation consistently.

During those tough times, I found an unexpected ally in Aldi Abbas, a standout student at our school known for his intelligence and kindness. As if straight out of a teen drama, Aldi also happened to be the principal’s son. While we weren’t exactly close pals and rarely exchanged words, Aldi showed unwavering support by standing up for me whenever he witnessed my struggles at school.

I was so smitten with Aldi that practically every chat with Selia at home revolved around him. Funny how having him around made dealing with bullies a bit easier—I mean, who wouldn’t feel better with a friend like Aldi in your corner?

But it wasn’t until our last year of school that Aldi and I actually started chatting. It was like a weight lifted off my shoulders. Thanks to him, I only had to deal with bullying after school hours, not all day long.

Aldi’s kindness meant the world to me, so much so that one day, I did something incredibly foolish—a decision that haunted me for the rest of my life. Towards the end of the odd semester exams, Aldi confided in me for the first time. He was worried he might be wrongly accused of selling exam questions to struggling twelfth graders.

Feeling a surge of empathy, I made a split-second decision. I stepped up and confessed to the teacher, claiming it was me, not Aldi, who was involved. Little did I know the magnitude of the consequences my actions would bring. They not only shattered my own life but also jeopardized my mother’s career as a teacher at the school.

The recommendation ticket I counted on to make my way into the university of my dreams was revoked because of the fallout from the incident. To make matters worse, my mom lost her job at the school over accusations of leaking exam questions to me, her own daughter. All my grades from tenth grade were put under the microscope, and suddenly I became the school’s scapegoat.

Despite the embarrassment and guilt weighing heavily on me, I kept Aldi’s secret close to my chest. Funny how love can make us do the dumbest things, huh? Yeah, I found myself in the club of lovestruck fools, ready to take the fall to shield someone I cared about.

As a result, when I finally got wind of the real truth behind the whole mess, I was completely crushed. It was a regular afternoon in mid-January 2015 when I caught Aldi and my best friend, Selia, having a hushed conversation at the back of the school.

It hit me like a ton of bricks: Selia was the one behind the whole exam question scandal. She admitted to taking advantage of Aldi’s feelings for her to snag good grades before college, all by swiping the key to the exam question drawer from Aldi’s dad’s office.

Stupid Aldi, he didn’t get angry with Selia about it and instead claimed that he had deliberately kept quiet about the allegations against me to protect Selia. They said they felt sorry for me. Ironically, their pity ended with a kissing scene behind my school that made me unable to hold back my tears.

Since overhearing their conversation, anger had consumed me. Selia knew how I felt about Aldi since we were in tenth grade. She knew all about my family’s struggles, with my mom being the sole provider since my dad passed away. She knew how much I hoped for that recommendation letter to a faraway university, my ticket out of the constant bullying.

And Aldi ….

Even though I’ve always seen guilt and pity in his eyes since that incident, I just can’t forgive him. I hate him and Selia for using me — I absolutely loathe them!

If only Selia hadn’t ended up liking Aldi and then using him for exam questions, none of this would have happened. And if only Aldi had feelings for me, he wouldn’t have kept quiet for Selia’s sake. He would have spoken up to his dad about the whole mess. That could have saved my life and my mom’s, which was already hanging by a thread.

If only ….

After more than a month of crying my eyes out and feeling utterly crushed, I did something pretty dumb. Fueled by anger and a desperate need to turn things around, I went back to my grandma and spilled my guts.

“Nini, I need your help. I need to make a guy really like me,” I blurted out through tears.

My grandma, seeing me all worked up, didn’t press for details. She just nodded and got right down to business. She told me to try some fasting and detox stuff to cleanse my system and get things back on track.

I remember after seven nights, she drew blood from my body and did some kind of ritual. I ended up participating in these weird ceremonies with her and her servant, even dancing in a ring of fire, butt naked.

Looking back on it now, it’s a mix of embarrassment, horror, and absurdity. But back then, I was so caught up in the moment that I just went along with whatever she said. Before I left her place, she handed me a tiny bottle filled with some funky-colored liquid.

“Pour this into the drink of the guy you’re after,” she told me.

Once again, I went along with it. I poured all the liquid into a cold soda bottle and handed it to Aldi before we left school. I figured maybe my luck would finally turn around after that.

But boy, was I wrong. The next day when we crossed paths again, Aldi acted like nothing had happened.

The next day… the next week… Heck, even a month later, Aldi’s attitude towards me hadn’t budged an inch. He still wasn’t into me, and to add insult to injury, he and Selia were now openly dating.

I went through even more bullying after that and kept on suffering until we all finally graduated high school. But then, there was this one tragic event that seemed to shake Selia up. Her parents were shockingly found murdered in their home.

Despite the awful ordeal, Selia’s luck turned around in a big way. Word on the street was some rich benefactor swooped in, footing the bill for her to study abroad. She packed up and left our neighborhood for a life of luxury.

As for me…

It felt like a never-ending nightmare. Even after leaving school and diving into university life, those darn rumors kept trailing me, painting me as an outcast among my new peers who only knew me by hearsay. And let me tell you, money was always tight for me and my mom.

As for Aldi, well, his smarts landed him in the top-notch university in Indonesia. Our paths never crossed again after that.

During my last year of college, when my mom and I visited my sick grandma, I couldn’t help but bring up the whole potion debacle. Grandma insisted her brew was foolproof; there was no way it could fail because it was seriously potent. The plan was simple: once Aldi laid eyes on me after drinking it, he’d be smitten.

After that chat, we both figured Aldi probably chucked my drink without a second thought. Hearing that, I started to mull over the idea of just letting it all go and getting on with my life.

Just a month after she was hospitalized, my grandmother passed away. Meanwhile, my mom was struggling to land another teaching job. Eventually, she took matters into her own hands and decided to open a small rice stall near our place. It wasn’t much, but it got us back on our feet.

It was Grandma who was bankrolling my education and our day-to-day expenses. But after her death, all her inheritance went to charity. Mom was afraid of using the money, worried it might be considered dirty money. So, we opted to keep things simple even after she was gone.

Yeah, my life still sucked after all that happened. I was still friendless and broke.

I even started to worry that I’d end up dying alone, labeled as the dangerous granddaughter of some famous shaman. That’s what I thought, at least, until years later when I got older and just sort of forgot about it all.